It's Actually a Funny Story, Really
by vintage-misery49
Summary: Natsu has ended up in alot of stupidly funny situations but this one might take the cake, standing outside of his burning apartment building with a broken nose, a few lost teeth, lipstick down his neck, and not to mention the ten cocked guns pointed at his end. Oh yeah, this one was a bit of a doozy. T for language


Natsu had managed to get himself into a rather interesting situation. Though to be honest he got himself into these kinds of situations all the time since his job kind of required it, but this time there was actually a funny story behind his situation. There he sat outside of his burning apartment complex, with most likely a broken nose, a few lost teeth and lipstick all over his neck, and how could he forget about the ten cocked guns pointed at his head ready to blow it off.

It wouldn't make sense to start off at this point in the story, to fully understand this utter train wreck you have to go back to the beginning of the story, which happened about ten minutes before this current scene transpired.

Natsu threw his bag on the floor with a loud thump before falling back onto his sofa. Running his hand through his hair he let out a sigh as he contemplated what to do for the rest of the day. He should probably visit Lucy, for numerous reasons with the main one being that she was surely angry at him for skipping town for almost a month. He had a good reason though, and it was snug in his left pocket.

Placing his hand over the pocket he decided it was no time like the present to meet up with Lucy, though maybe he should call first before showing up at her place. He was reaching for his phone when a loud knock sounded at his door.

Grumbling as he pushed himself off the couch he headed for the door. "Comin', just hold on."

He didn't even bother looking through the peephole before opening the door wide open. Natsu didn't even have time to see who had knocked on his door when a fist met with his face, or more accurately his nose.

Reeling back from the doorway, Natsu clutched his pain-throbbing nose before jerking his attention back to the person at the door ready to fight. However once he saw who it was standing in the doorway his body went rigid, for standing in front of him was the scariest person he had ever seen.

"Natsu Dragneel" Lucy Heartfilia hissed as she stormed into his apartment. Pointing her finger in his face she yelled "Where the hell have you been?!"

"Oh, um, well you see" Natsu began as noticed the rush of a sticky substance fill the hand over his nose. Shit, it looked like Lucy had slugged him pretty dam hard.

"I don't want to hear any excuse" Lucy said as she took her finger out of his face and her hands settled to her sides as fists. "You were gone for a month! What the hell were you doing? You didn't even call me or leave a note or even just tell me 'hey I'm going to disappear for a month without a trace but I just wanted to let you know since you're my girlfriend whom I love and care about!' What the hell Natsu, I was so fucking worried! Cause god knows what your damn brother might've done to you, and-and-and I was so worried!" That last statement came out as a chocked sob as tears began to well up in the corners of Lucy's eyes.

"Shit Lucy, babe, I'm so sorry" Natsu said as he took a step closer to her. He took the hand off his nose to give her a proper hug before seeing the blood coating it and quickly covering his nose again; he choose to wrap just one arm around her waist.

"You better be sorry you idiot" Lucy chocked before burying her face in his neck. "I thought the worst thing might've happened."

"Oh? And what could that be?"

"That Fairy Tail found out I was dating not only a member, but the brother of the leader of their rival gang" Lucy said into his neck.

"I'm sure I could've taken them if that had happened" Natsu said with a small chuckle. "But that's not why I was gone."

"You better have a damn good reason then" Lucy said as she drew back from the hug.

"Uh, yeah I do but, um, could you get me a paper towel or a tissue or something? I think you might've broken my nose" Natsu said as he took his hand off is nose to reveal the bloodied mess underneath.

"Oh my god" Lucy said covering her mouth before running to find something to stop the bleeding all while apologizing profusely. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to hit you that hard" Lucy said as she handed him a towel. "I wasn't even aiming for your nose; I just wanted to give you a black eye at most."

"Wow, that makes me feel so much better" Natsu said as he pressed the towel to his nose.

Lucy shot him a look before tentatively touching Natsu's nose.

When Natsu drew back with a hiss Lucy began to bit her lip. "I might've possibly broken your nose."

"Oh my god" Natsu groaned. "Does it look bad?"

"Umm, well, it is kinda bruising already" Lucy said as she placed her hands on his chin as she moved his head around to get a better look at his nose.

"Shit, this ruins my plans" Natsu muttered as his had ghosted over the box in his pocket.

"And what plans are those?" Lucy asked with a raised eyebrow. "Besides, I still think you look dashing."

"Well" Natsu said as he stuck his hand into his pocket, "The reason I was out of town for so long was because I took on a big job so I could buy you something nice." Natsu's closed his hand around the box as he drew it out of his pocket.

"Oh Natsu" Lucy said as her entire being seemed to soften. "You didn't need to do anything like that for-"  
"Only the best for you my love" Natsu said while giving her a lopsided smile. "Here open it" Natsu said, holding out the black velvet box.

"Really Natsu" Lucy said as she took the box. "You didn't need to get me anything, I'm just glad you're-" Lucy cut off her sentence abruptly when she saw what was nestled in the box, a diamond ring.

"So, um, what do say Lucy, will you marry me?" Natsu asked before starting to ramble when Lucy didn't immediately answer. "I mean this isn't the bets marriage proposal I'm sure, I mean you just broke my nose and it's bleeding everywhere and I know you deserve the best ring but I was still kinda on a budget when I bought it but-"

"Oh shut up you idiot" Lucy said before planting her lips onto his. "Of course I'll marry you."

"Really?" Natsu asked, taken back slightly as he wrapped his one arm around Lucy.

"Yes" Lucy said, nodding her head quickly. "A million times yes."

"Ha, well, that's-that's great!" Natsu said before pressing his lips against Lucy's cheek. "So, um, do you maybe want to talk about how we're going to deal with the fact that we're in two rival gangs that may want to-"

Natsu was cut off by Lucy pressing a finger to his mouth and shushing him. "Come on babe, let's leave that heavy stuff for later" Lucy practically purred at him as she pushed him back until he fell back onto the couch. Straddling his lap, Lucy leaned in as she pressed on of her hands against his chest before whispering in his ear. "You've been gone for so long, let's have some fun first before we start worrying about anything."

"Wha-what?" was Natsu's strangled response as he took the towel away from his nose. He knew for a fact he looked nothing close to attractive in the current state he was in, but a little blood and a broken nose wasn't enough to stop Lucy. Natsu supposed there was some sort of saying about love or something for this situation but all of his logical thought got cut off when Lucy pressed her lips under his jaw before slowly sucking a line down his neck.

Natsu had thrown the towel off to the side and was tangling one hand in Lucy's hair while the other one dipped dangerously low on her back when he heard an ominously loud thump from nearby. However he chose to ignore it in favor of detaching Lucy from his neck to pull her into a kiss. A few seconds later though, he heard another loud thumping noise and decided to pull apart from Lucy and listen to it.

"What is it?" Lucy huffed, slightly out for breath.

"I think I hear something" Natsu said, angling his head in hopes of hearing something again.

"So?" Lucy asked as she quirked her eyebrow. "It's just one of your neighbors."

Natsu really wanted to believe her, especially once she bit his collarbone playfully, but he knew for a fact that both of his neighbors were at work right now and neither had any kind of pet that could be making noise.

"Hey, is there any chance that Fairy Tail might've found out about us?" Natsu asked as he heard another thump.

Lucy's head shot up from his neck as she muttered, "Shit."

"What?"

"I just remembered the reason I came to see you" Lucy said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"It wasn't just to break my nose and then seduce me?"

"What? No of course not. I only punched you because as I was waiting for you to open the door I got really angry at you for leaving, and I decided to seduce because I really, like really, really missed you. Particularly your amazing personality" Lucy said as she got off his lap.

"Yeah I could tell by the way you were running your hands up and down my chest" Natsu said with a small laugh as Lucy's face reddened.

"I also missed your great abs as well, sue me" Lucy said with a huff. "But the reason I came to see you was because there is a smidgen of a chance that Fairy Tail might've found out that I'm dating you."

"And this smidgen of a chance is due to what?" Natsu asked as he got up from the couch.

"One of my friends, who is part of Fairy Tail as well, went through my phone without my permission and might've seen things" Lucy said as she averted her eyes to the ground for a quick second before putting them back on him.

"What kind of thigs?" Natsu asked as he considered taking his gun out of his bag, just in case.

"Well, um, she definitely saw the pictures I have us and, well, you. Not to mention I'm pretty sure she snooped through my messages and while your contact in my phone is a bunch a heart emoji's I'm pretty sure she got the gist of who I was texting."

"Couldn't you say the texts were from your dad or something?"

"Natsu, those messages certainly did not come from my father" Lucy said as her face heated up again.

"Oh my god did she read _those_ messages?" Natsu asked as he felt his face heat up as well.

"Mh, hmmmm" Lucy said as she nodded her head.

"Why didn't you delete them?"

"Listen, it was lonely while you were gone and I needed some comfort sometimes o-"Lucy began before being cut off by another thump.

"We can talk about this later" Natsu whispered before grabbing Lucy's arm and leading her to his window. "Climb down the fire escape; it'll probably be best if they don't see us together."

"But-" Lucy began before Natsu shushed her.

"It'll be fine; I'll meet you in the parking lot. If anything happens I'm sure you'll hear it" Natsu said before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth. "I love you."

"Love you too" Lucy said as she opened up the window and climbed out.

Natsu closed the window behind her before making his way to the door. Grabbing his gun on the way, Natsu cracked the door open slightly to see if he could see anything. The hallway seemed to be clear, and as he opened the door wider he still didn't see anyone.

However, as he carefully stepped out of his apartment he heard the click of another door being opened. Without even bothering to look for this opening door, Natsu sprinted down the hallway towards the stairs.

"There you are Dragneel!"

Natsu jumped down the stairwell as soon as he heard the voice which was soon followed by a gunshot; apparently Fairy Tail was not going to play along.

"Shit, I guess I should've waited until I actually shot at you Dragneel!" yelled his attacker.

Natsu chose to ignore as he peeked his head around the corner of the stairwell to look onto the next hallway, he really hated how he lived on the third floor at the moment.

When he didn't see anything Natsu decided to make a run for it. He was almost down the hallway when one of the doors flung open and hit him in the face, pretty damn hard.

Falling back, Natsu clutched his nose as he let loose a whole slew of profanities. If his nose hadn't been broken before it certainly was now, and to make matters worse he could taste blood filling his mouth.

Spitting into his hand he grimaced when he saw two teeth sitting in the pool of blood in his hand.

"Oh sorry Dragneel, I didn't mean to fuck up your face anymore that it already is." A brown haired woman poked her head out from around the door. "Though I think I might've done you a favor."

"Hahaha, well" Natsu said as he held up his two lost teeth, "You'll be paying for my next dentist bill."

"Oh the girls love a rugged fellow though" the girl said as she slammed the door behind her.

"I don't know if rugged guys are exactly Lucy's type" Natsu said with a smirk that he was sure looked pretty fucked up at the moment.

The girl's faced turned to stone. "You got five seconds, you better start running fuckface."

Natsu didn't bother making a smart comment this time. Scrambling to get up he made it to the stairs as he heard the girl scream, "Time's up, get ready for me to mess that face up even more!"

Natsu spared a glance at himself in a window as he was running through the lobby and damn did he look bad. His nose was turning a lovely purple color and there was still some blood one his face and it looked like Lucy's lipstick had left bright red stains down his neck, which was probably fueling the fire these people seem to have against him even more.

Busting out of the door, Natsu turned to run to the parking lot when he found himself facing eight guns.

"Hello Natsu Dragneel" said the red haired girl of the group. "I think it's time for us to have a little talk.

"O-oh, is that so?' Natsu asked; he had dropped his gun when he had gotten his by the door so at the moment he was completely unarmed.

"Oh yeah, we need to talk about the relationship you have with one of our members." This time it was one of the guys from the group, and did he look like a prick. Who walks around in a dressy jacket and no shirt?

Natsu heard the door behind him open and a familiar voice fill the air. "So we can either do this the easy way or the hard way."

Turning around Natsu faced two more guns and the faces of the two that had tried to end him inside.

"And what are the easy and hard ways?" Natsu asked.

"Well" said the other girl as she placed her free hand on her chin. "We could either blow your brains out, or we could burn you."

"And, uh, what's the easy way?" Natsu asked as he began to really wish he had put his gun in his pocket or something because it was looking like this might be the end of him.

"Blowing your brains out?" the girl answered. "So which do you want?"

"Umm, couldn't we maybe talk this out like normal people?" Natsu asked, hoping he was keeping desperation out of his voice.

"When has Tartaros or the Spriggan 12 ever talk things out?" asked a new voice as the clicking of loaded guns filled the air.

"Okay, wait, wait, come on I swear if we talk that you probably won't want to kill me anymore" Natsu said as he held up his hands.

"I guess that's a risk we'll have to take" said the red haired girl, and as soon as she and finished her sentence Natsu watched as his apartment building went up in flames.

"Looks like we might be going with the burning option."

And that is how Natsu ended up in his current situation with either the threat of being burned to death, shot, or both.

"Holy shit" Natsu muttered as he looked on at the building in flames. "What the hell is wrong with you people?! Do you know how many people you just killed?!"

"We evacuated everyone first before we went after you?" said the brown haired girl with a scoff. "That's the only reason you had time to hear us and try to escape."

"Ah, well, um, you see-" Natsu rambled, trying to buy himself some time to come up with some kind of plan before he was abruptly cut off.

"Stop procrastinating, let's just get this over wi-"

"Hold on" came a new voice that Natsu couldn't be happier to hear.

"Lucy!" one of the girls said in surprise. "You're not supposed to be here!"

"Yeah, like I was going to listen to you after I saw that you had been looking on my phone, which is a pretty big invasion of my privacy Levy!" Lucy said, not even bothering to hide her anger.

"Lucy come on" the girl, named Levy apparently, pleaded. "He's part of our enemy gang! He's probably just using you information."

"For all you know I could be using him to get information" Lucy cried before turning to Natsu and saying "I'm not though."

Natsu gave her a small smile before Levy started talking again.

"Oh please, you can't seriously be defending him Lucy! Tartaros is the worst gang out there!"

"So! I know Natsu isn't horrible like them. Yeah, he's done some pretty illegal things, but so have I! And I love him" Lucy said, her eyes softening as she said her last statement.

"Oh please, he's manipulating you! How long have you even been together?"

"Three years" Lucy deadpanned as she crossed her arms. "Is that long enough?"

"Wha-You've been together three years and you never told me?" Levy asked, hurt.

"Gee I wonder why?!" Lucy exclaimed as she gestured over to the burning building behind them.

"Oh, well, still, we don't approve of this relationship."

"I hate to tell you all this but just cause you tell me you don't approve of our relationship doesn't mean I'll listen to you, especially due to the tiny detail that we're engaged" Lucy said as she showed them the ring on her finger.

"What?!" yelled a large amount of the group.

"Okay, listen" Natsu said. "I'm just going to add in the fact that I'm currently trying to get out of Tartarus."

"What?" Lucy asked before her faced lit up. "Really?"

"Well yeah, I knew that I'd have to do it if I wanted to get married to you I mean, two people getting married from two rival gangs might sound poetic but I didn't want to start a second Romeo and Juliet. So I've been working extra jobs to get enough money to pay off the fee needed for me to leave" Natsu explained as he slowly inched he was out of the circle of guns.

"Is that even possible?" asked the prick.

"Well, I mean, having the boss as your brother is also really helpful so, yeah, it's safe to say I should be able to leave. Once I pay them off I should be free to do what I please" Natsu said with a shrug before adding "Which apparently will be looking for a new apartment."

"Oh yeah" the red haired girl said. "Sorry, that might've been over the top."

"So are you guys going to not kill Natsu and let us continue on with our lives?" Lucy asked as she went over and stood next to Natsu.

"Well-" Natsu grabbed Lucy's hand and squeezed it. "I guess you're right. But I will be checking to make sure that you do leave Tartarus. Anyway, sorry for all the trouble."

The guns were lowered and the whole group began to walk away. Levy mouthed 'sorry' at Lucy before following the others.

"So can you take me to the hospital maybe" Natsu asked, slightly daze.

"Of course" Lucy said before leaving him to her car. "How are you feeling?"

"Slightly dazed and numb, but hey, at least I get to marry you!" Natsu exclaimed before resting his head on Lucy's shoulder.

"Aww, babe, I love you!"

"Love you too."


End file.
